Do you recognise this man? Is that a sherbet dip in his hand? Don't have nightmares ... oops, thought I was presenting Crimewatch for a moment ...*Updated below ...
Oh dear: Brian. Please. Get a grip.
Mrs Angry sends her congratulations to Daniel O'Brien of the Barnet Press, for the funniest story of the year so far:
In this we learn that, as we had already heard reported on Friday evening, Tory GLA candidate Brian Coleman has been spotted in shops in High Barnet, allegedly trying to 'bully' traders into removing posters in their windows which are less than complimentary about his idiotic new parking scheme and charges.
As Dan tells us in his report:
"Anna Constantiou, who owns Rapunzel hair salon, in High Street, Barnet, said she was shocked when Mr Coleman came into her store demanding she remove a poster with the message “Sack Brian.”
“He said, ‘I want you to take it down right now. I find it offensive,’” said Mrs Constantiou. “I said it’s my opinion and I don’t agree with your parking restrictions. I can’t afford to park near here.”
However, she said she felt she had no choice but to take it down the poster.
“He was going mad and shouting,” she said. “He was right in my face and wouldn’t leave when I asked him. He was intimidating.”
Michael Kentish, owner of sweet shop Hopscotch also received a visit from Mr Coleman.
Mr Kentish said he had put up the political posters, as he believes the “rushed” removal of parking meters from car parks had had a dramatic effect on high street footfall.
“It’s been absolutely catastrophic for us,” said Mr Kentish. “I was about to have a good go at him but then my wife stepped in."
Mrs Angry is trying not to laugh at the thought of baldy poster boy (sorry, Mr John Baldy, that ought to be you, really, and really: it is) http://101reasonstosackbriancoleman.tumblr.com/- Brian Coleman in the Rapunzel hair salon. Rapunzel, Rapunzel: let down your hair ...
Been anywhere nice on your holidays, Brian? Morphou? Lovely in October, isn't it?
And a bull in a sweet shop?
In other news: this is good ... apparently Ladbrokes are offering a bet on Andrew Dismore beating Coleman in the GLA election, odds 6-4.
Mrs Angry will be placing a bet on Andrew Dismore tomorrow.
Mrs Angry never bets on a losing horse.
(Predicted the National winner, btw. Again.)
(Note to the Broken Barnet racing correspondant, Mr Tom Roper: I know its May Day, & you are busy organising the downfall of capitalism in your especially well ironed shirt, but I might have hoped for some guidance from you on this subject ...)
Not sure what you were doing, Brian, wandering about in High Barnet on Friday night: perhaps you were at a bit of a loose end ... there isn't much on telly these days, is there?
Well, actually ... yes, there is, Councillor Coleman, if you care to wander along the high street in North Finchley. Take a look in the window, in Cafe Buzz, where local shopkeepers' spokeswoman Helen Michael has thoughtfully provided some entertainment in the window, on a wide screen tv.
You might enjoy the show. Probably not, but then: who gives a shit?
There is a useful powerpoint display for the information of passing voters, reminding them, for example:
"WHAT DID COLEMAN EVER DO
FOR US?
INCREASED 300%
PARKING CHARGES
IN RESIDENTIAL AREAS AND HIGH
STREETS CAUSING ISOLATION TO
HOUSE BOUND RESIDENTS AND
KILLING LOCAL COMMERCE."
Napoleon famously described the inhabitants of the British isles as a 'nation of shopkeepers'.
Hmm.
Petty tyrants always learn the hard way that the British spirit cannot be bowed by their yelling and bullying: and, by a curious twist of fate, the shopkeepers of Broken Barnet are likely to prove the undoing of Brian Coleman, on May 3rd.
See you at the count.
*Update Wednesday:
In the Guardian today,as you can see here Mr Dave Hill has gone out of his way to provoke Mrs Angry, and indeed all the Barnet bloggers by saying he is 'really very fond' of Brian Coleman. You and Andrew Gilligan, Dave, sitting in a tree ...
Ok, to be fair, he prefaces this breathless admiration by the following:
"I hope Coleman loses. But at the same time I would be sad to see him go. That is partly because bad behaviour in a man so utterly convinced of his own righteousness is weirdly compelling. It is also because Coleman personifies vividly a comedic suburban affrontedness rarely found outside of television sitcoms. The spectacle of someone completely in the grip of his own, inexhaustible indignation provides an unexpected intellectual satisfaction - an ideal type made flesh."
Dave speculates that if Coleman, as we hope and pray, here in Broken Barnet, where our fondness for Brian is rather more qualified, does lose his seat, there will be a potentially memorable reaction:
"... the famous Barnet blogosphere - see here and here and here and here and here and here and no doubt elsewhere - will explode into total ecstasy."
Goodness me. If you are at Ally Pally for the result on Friday, then, stand by - and watch the earth move.
The rest of the Conservative Party must be terrified that Brian Coleman might win!
ReplyDeleteno baarnett: I think that they are happily sticking the champagne on ice and waiting for Friday, as we all are ...
ReplyDeleteDCMD would suggest that Mrs Angry does not wager more than her daily gin allowance. He met with some Conservative supporters today who confirmed that they had already voted Conservative across the board, notwithstanding their view of Brian Coleman. If this pattern is widely replicated amongst loyal party supporters, Andrew Dismore will struggle to overturn Coleman’s majority of almost 20,000.
ReplyDeletemmm. DCMD: Mrs Angry would expect Tory supporters of the type you know to carry on voting Tory - you are a rebel Tory,of course, and respect to you for such,but the die hards will, well, die hard. But the vast majority of voters, including residents who normally can't be bothered to vote, have now politicised by Coleman and his idiocies & will vote accordingly.
ReplyDeleteThey will indeed, Mrs A, but in sufficient numbers?
ReplyDeleteLet us hope so.
Well, it would be foolish to take things for granted, baarnett. I think what is different about this election is that local issues here in Barnet have galvanised sections of the community who would not normally take an interest in voting, but will do so simply out of fury with Coleman. But we must hope that they do turn out, and just sit at home imagining that it is a done deal. It ain't. Once more onto the ballot box, therefore, dear friends.
ReplyDeleteNOT just sit at home, clearly. Ahem.
ReplyDeleteI tried to comment here the other day, but if seems not to have taken. 'Er indoors managed a place in the Grand National. I backed Synchronised.
ReplyDeleteThe Burra Mem stood in the Labour interest in a by-election down here last week. She came fourth. I trust this pattern is not repeated tomorrow in Barnet
oh dear, commiserations to H ... what she needs is a Tory rival like Brian Coleman. Surely there must be lots in Seaford, no?
ReplyDelete