Boris visits the Boris Valley Green Walk - and uh oh - it all goes horribly wrong

Boris meets Dennis Pepper - pic courtesy Hendon Times. Cllr John Thomas behind, not happy.

Oh dear me. If you recall, last week Mrs Angry went for a lovely walk along part of the Dollis Valley Green Walk with the equally lovely Dennis Pepper, Chair of the Friends of Windsor Open Space, who is less than impressed with the way in which Brian Coleman has spent the grant given by Mayor Boris Johnson for the improvement of the walk.

http://wwwbrokenbarnet.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/boris-valley-green-walk.html

Take a look at the local Times group website ...

here

Dennis was taking a reporter from the Times along the same route, and pointing out the terrible state of the footpath, and the way in which the grant has been mispent when who should he come across, in the most surreal fashion, but Boris himself, out for an electioneering photo opportunity, to make the most capital possible from the grant, in the run up to May's elections.

Ah: except that in Broken Barnet, Boris, the rules of engagement do not always run to plan, as you discovered, when you bumped into Mr Pepper, who 'hijacked' the visit and took the opportunity to show you the real cock up that Brian Coleman has managed to make of the funding provided. Mrs Angry imagines that you were shown the footpath that was needlessly resurfaced, while the really dangerous section was left in such a disgraceful state, for example.

Not that you would realise exactly the extent of the cock up, had you been one of the few privileged residents invited to the rather low key official opening held last week, attended by the Mayor, Councillor Lisa Rutter, and Brian, of course, and a selection of bussed in primary school children.

The happy couple then left for a honeymoon at the Sandbanks Hotel, Poole.

Mrs Angry has eyes and ears everywhere, and one of her spies has sent this delightful photograph from the opening of the Dollis Valley Green Walk 'improvement' scheme, which was meant to be a good news story for poor Brian Coleman, who is, sadly, short of good news stories in the run up to the London Assembly elections on May 3rd, and has been canvassing only the refined environs of Belsize Park and Hampstead. Brian is apparently reluctant to take part in any hustings events with Labour rival Andrew Dismore. Mrs Angry cannot imagine why that might be the case.

Behind them, you can see Brian's little helper, Ms Pam Wharfe, who once showed such a detailed interest in Mrs Angry's living room window, and who is awfully fond of that green jacket.

If you think Mrs Angry is being mean, please be referred to the early days of this blog, and you may understand why.

There is a rather pleasing description in the Times report of the reaction of the Barnet Tory councillors who had accompanied Boris in his brookside stroll today:

"An entourage that included Finchley Church End councillors Daniel Thomas and Eva Greenspan and Barnet Council leader Richard Cornelius were left “looking uncomfortable” as Mr Pepper listed the project’s faults in front of the visiting mayor."

But oh dear. Mrs Angry imagines that our councillors were dreadfully embarrassed, and undoubtedly furious that yet again the lunatic Tory fringe here in Barnet was exposed in all its finest idiocy and incompetence to the Mayor and senior leadership of the party. But of course there is something very odd about this incident.

Where was Brian?

Why would the local Assembly member not be here to accompany Boris on his visit, when Brian was so involved in the organisation of the £400,000 hand out which has been thrown at the so called improvement? Why no photo opportunity of the two, arm in arm, exchanging light hearted banter, by one of the kissing gates? How very strange. Surely he could not have been told to stay away?

Or did they not tell him?

Alternatively, of course, it might just have been that he is incapable of walking that far. He has very small feet, and a delicate constitution.

Well done, Mr Pepper, anyway: Broken Barnet bites back, yet again.

*Update

Crybaby Councillor John Thomas is now whinging that the Times' story is 'misleading'. Mrs Angry has no sympathy whatsoever - the failures in the organisation and delivery of the Green Walk are quite apparent, and have been reported extensively in this blog. The Tory councillors were seeking to take the credit for a good news story which is itself completely misleading. Mr Pepper was quite right to show him the reality of what has been done with the grant.

On twitter this morning Tim Jones, the assistant group editor of the Times Newsquest group papers made the following comments:

"I think it is worth pointing out what goes on behind the scenes as politicians and press offices try to manipulate reporting"

"Some of these councillors need to start taking things on the chin a bit more and start listening to the genuine concerns of local residents"

"Every time someone criticises the council, a smokescreen is put up which then attempts to detract from the original issue"

This is how things are, in our borough. This is Broken Barnet, where the Tory administration has forgotten that it is accountable to their voters, and tries with increasingly desperate and ill judged measures to control the use of information and the freedom of expression. In a few weeks time, of course, voters can demonstrate to their elected representatives exactly what they think of that attitude.

http://sackboris2012.com/boris-isnt-working.html

oh, and while we are on that subject ...

Mrs Angry's Jubilee Celebration

MetPro, the musical: a work in progress

* Updated below

Mrs Angry has been trying hard to resist the temptation to write anything over the Christmas break, and indeed is rather indisposed so the temptation has been minimal: but oh dear - this has made her temperature shoot up again ... well: take a trip over to Mr Mustard's blog, why don't you, and see what has made her so flipping cross?

http://lbbspending.blogspot.com/2011/12/1000-well-spent-or-waste.html

Mr Mustard keeps a vigilant eye on the delegated powers reports (DPRs) published online by Barnet Council: these documents are often a source of much interesting material, being important decisions signed off by officers or Cabinet members.

All the Barnet bloggers have learnt by now that any contentious or sensitive freedom of information request responses submitted to Barnet will be delayed as long as possible, and then sent out late on a Friday, when the impact of the release of information, or so they hope, will be limited.

Mr Mustard decided this principle may well extend to the publication of DPRs and on checking the latest releases found this treasure: 1494, Queen's Diamond Jubilee Music, published on the 23rd of December, the last council working day of course, before the break.

This is an 'approval to contract with a musical composer to write an anthem to be performed in Barnet during celebrations of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II's Diamond Jubilee in 2012'.

So another contract being awarded without any other competition, of course, in the tradition of procurement in Broken Barnet. In fact, this is not procurement at all, arguably more a transaction in the tradition of Tudor patronage, as in the reign of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth I.

Because look here: the award, a very generous sum of £1,000, is being given to a composer called Tim Benjamin. Go on, you must have heard of him. No? Well, you might be familiar with his dad then. You know: the Reverend Adrian Benjamin, the banner snatching Tory vicar who is great pals with Brian Coleman, and bailed out his Friern Barnet Summer Show for him?

http://wwwbrokenbarnet.blogspot.com/2011/08/brian-adrian-and-rowan-fans-of.html

The decision to endow Mr Benjamin with this award was made by the 'Diamond Jubilee Steering Group'. Guess who sits on this group? Councillors Melvin Cohen, David 'Goldenarse' Longstaff and oh dear: Brian Coleman. Goldenarse, as Cabinet member for Community Safety and Engagement has agreed the action, which will be paid for out of public money, our money, of course, via the Civic Events budget.

Why has Mr Benjamin been given this contract with no competitive process? Er, we are told because he has 'local roots' - yeah, we know - and can write it quickly. Good. Mrs Angry has local roots and for £1,000 could probably rustle up a tune pretty quickly too. Didn't get a look in, though, and more to the point, nor did any other individual who actually lives in the borough.

I'm not sure that residents of Barnet, if they had been consulted, would actually have wanted £1,000 spent on this vanity commission. If we have £1,000 to spare, why not use it to buy some equipment for Barnet General, or holidays for disadvantaged children, or gift hampers for elderly citizens? You know Brian: 'these people' ...

Even if we agreed that it was necessary to celebrate the Queen's Jubilee by creating a musical composition, (and I'll bet she would think it was an idiotic waste of money) why on earth was this not made an opportunity for the many talented musicians living in our borough to engage in a competition, or for schools or music societies to work together to produce some piece of work? And would it not be appropriate for the rich diversity of our borough's population to be represented by a project that explored the musical traditions of different cultural heritages?

Mrs Angry is always keen to promote our local artistic talent and has therefore decided to run an alternative award, to mark the Broken Barnet celebration of the dear old Queen's Diamond Jubilee. She is willing to commission an opera, musical or ballet, on one of the following themes:

MetPro, and a continuing culture of incompetence in the procurement, tendering and contract procedures of our beloved council,

One Barnet: a tale of greed, duplicity and undeclared interests,

Brian Coleman: a tragic story of parking contracts, self love, delusions of grandeur and the loss of his seat in the GLA elections.

All may apply, except anyone who with links to any Tory councillors. Winning choice to be performed at Hendon Town Hall, at the next Full Council Meeting.

Oh: hang on. Already booked. Panto season. All year round.

Damn.

*Updated:

Mrs Angry has decided to make her own musical contribution to the Jubilee celebration and has emailed Cllr Longstaff with a suggestion:

"Dear Councillor Longstaff,

I understand that in your capacity as a member of the Queen's Diamond Jubilee Celebration Steering Group, you are looking for someone to compose a piece of music to mark what is, of course, a moment of huge significance in our country's long history.

By coincidence, I have been composing my own tribute in honour of this occasion, and I would therefore like to submit it to your group for your perusal. It is a short piece, to be played on a tin whistle, hopefully by someone of Irish descent with a keen sense of historical irony, and an impertinent expression, and is entitled: 'Jobs for the boys, Ma'am: another golden example of bare arsed cheek by the Tory councillors of Broken Barnet, this time on the occasion of Your Majesty's Jubilee'.

I am not personally acquainted with any Tory councillors, or members of the Chipping Barnet Conservative Asssociation, but I did once meet Councillor Marshall in the nut section of Waitrose, North Finchley, so please write me a cheque for £1,000 and send it on at your earliest convenience,

Happy New Year,

Mrs Angry"

*Just fancy that: another pointless footnote

The Diamond Jubilee Steering Group which has awarded the lucky Mr Benjamin his £1,000 commission is a mysterious entity, and includes, we are told in the background information of the DPR, 'representatives from the business, education, faith and community organisations. In the interest of transparency, Mrs Angry has requested a full list of members. The group is chaired by a Mr Martin H C Russell, who is the borough's Deputy Lieutenant. Oh, Mrs Angry, I hear you ask, what is a Deputy Lieutenant, and what does he do? Let us explain.

A Deputy Lieutenant is an anachronistic municipal role fulfilled by the sort of person who likes dressing up in uniform and stomping about looking very important, even though he is not. If a member of the Royal Family dares to visit Broken Barnet, the Deputy Lieutenant has to be on hand to greet him or her, bow nicely, and keep the malodorous citizens at bay. I think Mr Russell once came to my children's then primary school, and seemed a nice enough chap, if somewhat overdressed. My son thought he was the Queen's husband.

Yes, you are right, Deputy Lieutenant sounds just the job for Brian Coleman, but sadly Mr Russell got there before him. Funnily enough, Mr Russell and Mr Coleman have quite a few things in common. Some more unexpected than others, perhaps. Apart from dressing up in costume and turning up at lots of functions, apparently they share a love of shoeing horses, and checking horses hooves for disease - yes: they are both 'Liverymen of the Worshipful Company of Farriers'. Brian Coleman is of course often to be found of a weekend with his apron on, sweating away, tap tapping away at his forge, shaping and twisting a molten form with a sledge hammer. Didn't you know?

Mrs Angry, you cry, again, we do not have your wordly experience of secret societies and archaic ceremonial roles: please tell us more ... well, as it happens, Mrs Angry's father worked in the city, and was a member of the Baltic Exchange. His career was based on hard work, and merit, but he would often come home, sit the infant Mrs Angry on his knee and tell her with wry amusement tales of colleagues keen to get on by becoming freemasons of the right lodges, freemen of the City of London, and members of the City guilds and livery companies. These latter bodies, although raising a certain amount of money for charity, largely exist to give social climbing members a sense of belonging and an introduction to a wide range of social contacts. Many livery companies have their own masonic lodges too. Mrs Angry has often wondered why Brian is not a mason: he cannot be because he does not declare it in his interests, yet it would be something he really would enjoy. More aprons, dressing up and lovely dinners too. You boys. Go on, Brian: why not see if someone can get you in? You need to get out more, as we know. Unless of course they won't have you, in which case the Rotary Club might suit.