Thursday, 31 March 2011
A marvellous thing has happened, citizens. Mrs Angry got up this beautiful spring morning, looked out of the window and made a wonderful discovery: something profound, and rather beautiful, is transforming the landscape of Broken Barnet.
Pulling back the bedroom curtains, and watching with amusement as the startled spy from MetPro fell gracefully from his ladder, still clutching his camera, she could not help but notice that so much has changed in the world outside.
Recently, you know, she has begun to question whether or not she needs to be quite so cynical about the way in which our beloved borough is run.
Is she, in fact, being fair to our much criticised Tory councillors and senior officers? Could it be that they are absolutely right about almost everything, and that she is completely and utterly wrong? Well, I've got to tell you that the answer to that is yes: and even more importantly, there is wonderful news. Barnet is no longer broken. It has all been fixed, thanks to the hard work and self denying dedication of our Conservative councillors.Who would now refuse them a little rise in their allowances? Not me. Give them much more money, I say.
Leader Lynne Hillan, you see, has taken a big pot of One Barnet superglue and stuck all the little broken bits of our borough back together again, as good as new. And Brian Coleman helped her to do it: when she found a bit that wouldn't fit, he just got a sledge hammer and bludgeoned it into shape for her so that it went in anyway: wasn't that sweet of him?
Feeling very ashamed, now, and yet filled with joy at the sudden new insight with which she has been blessed, she wants to tell you;
One Barnet is the future.
One Barnet is the One True Path.
Lynne Hillan is a divine being, blessed with vision, beauty, compassion, intellect, extraordinary political instincts, and outstanding business acumen. Our lives are safe in her hands.
I will therefore be retiring from blogging, and this will be my last post. I suppose I ought to apologise to Dave Hill for the inconvenience.
I understand that fellow blogger and former Labour and LibDem activist Roger Tichborne has announced in a statement this morning that he has joined the Conservative Party, declaring: 'I've tried the best, now let's try the rest'. His blog will of course become The One Barnet Eye.
Mr Reasonable, unfortunately, has become unbelievably stroppy and bad tempered since he became a top blogger and wishes to be known from now on as The Terminator. For God's sake don't get into an argument with him - he swears like a docker at the drop of a hat now.
Mr Mustard has seen the error of his ways, torn himself away from polishing the bannister, and enthusiastically accepted a post as Reward Manager with the LBB.
'Do Call me Dave' has moved in with a nest of anarcho-syndicalists in Hoxton, and Vicki Morris is now running a lingerie shop in Frome, with a Mr David Duff.
Peace, love and harmony exists once more in One Barnet, a successful London borough.
My work here is done.
I have accepted a proposal of marriage from Councillor John Marshall, and am moving to Hampstead Garden Suburb, where he has promised me the full use of his free parking permit - and lots of new shoes.
Mrs Angry xxx