Thursday, 31 March 2011

Spring Awakening


A marvellous thing has happened, citizens. Mrs Angry got up this beautiful spring morning, looked out of the window and made a wonderful discovery: something profound, and rather beautiful, is transforming the landscape of Broken Barnet.

Pulling back the bedroom curtains, and watching with amusement as the startled spy from MetPro fell gracefully from his ladder, still clutching his camera, she could not help but notice that so much has changed in the world outside.

Recently, you know, she has begun to question whether or not she needs to be quite so cynical about the way in which our beloved borough is run.

Is she, in fact, being fair to our much criticised Tory councillors and senior officers? Could it be that they are absolutely right about almost everything, and that she is completely and utterly wrong? Well, I've got to tell you that the answer to that is yes: and even more importantly, there is wonderful news. Barnet is no longer broken. It has all been fixed, thanks to the hard work and self denying dedication of our Conservative councillors.Who would now refuse them a little rise in their allowances? Not me. Give them much more money, I say.

Leader Lynne Hillan, you see, has taken a big pot of One Barnet superglue and stuck all the little broken bits of our borough back together again, as good as new. And Brian Coleman helped her to do it: when she found a bit that wouldn't fit, he just got a sledge hammer and bludgeoned it into shape for her so that it went in anyway: wasn't that sweet of him?

Feeling very ashamed, now, and yet filled with joy at the sudden new insight with which she has been blessed, she wants to tell you;

One Barnet is the future.

One Barnet is the One True Path.

Lynne Hillan is a divine being, blessed with vision, beauty, compassion, intellect, extraordinary political instincts, and outstanding business acumen. Our lives are safe in her hands.

I will therefore be retiring from blogging, and this will be my last post. I suppose I ought to apologise to Dave Hill for the inconvenience.

I understand that fellow blogger and former Labour and LibDem activist Roger Tichborne has announced in a statement this morning that he has joined the Conservative Party, declaring: 'I've tried the best, now let's try the rest'. His blog will of course become The One Barnet Eye.

Mr Reasonable, unfortunately, has become unbelievably stroppy and bad tempered since he became a top blogger and wishes to be known from now on as The Terminator. For God's sake don't get into an argument with him - he swears like a docker at the drop of a hat now.

Mr Mustard has seen the error of his ways, torn himself away from polishing the bannister, and enthusiastically accepted a post as Reward Manager with the LBB.

'Do Call me Dave' has moved in with a nest of anarcho-syndicalists in Hoxton, and Vicki Morris is now running a lingerie shop in Frome, with a Mr David Duff.

Peace, love and harmony exists once more in One Barnet, a successful London borough.

My work here is done.

I have accepted a proposal of marriage from Councillor John Marshall, and am moving to Hampstead Garden Suburb, where he has promised me the full use of his free parking permit - and lots of new shoes.

Goodbye all.

Mrs Angry xxx

8 comments:

Mr Mustard said...

I thought you were joking Mrs A !
The possibly still broken Borough of Barnet really do have a Reward Manager. http://tinyurl.com/3aqa2ds
£40k a year for picking 6 figure numbers out of a hat and calling them salaries. Must go and dust off my CV. Will my membership of the Amalgamated Union of Bannister Polishers count against me ?

Mrs Angry said...

Mrs Angry never jokes about the London Borough Formerly Known as Broken Barnet. She assures Mr Mustard that there are alreaday a large number of bannister polishers working in the senior executive suites of NLBP, and sitting in the council chamber.

Brian Coleman aka Mr Toad has GOT to go said...

You negelected to mention that I have become the official praegustator/food-taster for that nice Councillor Coleman.

Rog T said...

Mrs Angry, just got a phonecall from Miss O'Donovan. She has seen that naughty picture you've drawn on your blog of a Holy member of the Daughters of Charity.

I'm afraid you'll be wishing you'd emigrated, let alone retired from blogging by the time she's done with you.

Sister Gabriel will not be happy ......

vickim57 said...

Phwoar!

Mrs Angry said...

aka Mr Toad: you live in Broken Barnet? Your mask is slipping ... he'll be on your case now ...

Rog, you are spot on - in fact if you remember Sister Rosalie .... oh dear. Note to readers: Mrs Angry's portrait is not entirely true to life,(nor does make a habit of sliding down bannisters, or dressing up as a nun - although ... hmmm I think I could carry it off.)

Vicki: don't let Mr Duff finger the merchandise ...

ainelivia said...

Love the banner Mrs A; what is it, Friday the 13th or something.... all our best bloggers taking up the OneBarnet Dogma, and off to oveerpaid posts with BarCou???? ....the end of the world as I know it...

Rog T said...

I do remember Sister Rosalie well. She was the teacher when I was in the baby class. We all liked her. Pete Conways mum still had the crocodile he made out of old cotton reels and cardboard when I last saw her. I think she was the only infants teacher who didn't clobber me.