Tuesday 3 May 2011

Brian Coleman: Fightback starts here ... where? No, here ...

Rumours abound that Brian Coleman is strangely reluctant to follow Tory spin doctor Lynton Crosby's GLA election campaign strategy, see above.

Brian's own political instincts are so finely tuned, he believes, that he really needs no guidance and will rely on his record in office to speak for itself. Good idea, Brian, says Mrs Angry.

We know this because over the weekend, which was rather quiet, after all, some breaking news appeared on a major source of political gossip, known only to a select few here in Broken Barnet.

Our local Tory MP, Mike Freer, has a dedicated website - 'The Friend of Mike Freer' -


run by a mysterious, blushing admirer known only as 'Mrs T'. She is not, as sometimes alleged, one of the wives of Barnet Eye blogger Rog T, but a self styled Finchley housewife. Ha. (After a long period of covert surveillance, Mrs Angry recently tracked her down to the fish counter in Waitrose, and, in reprisal for her gross stupidity and one or two offensive remarks(such as dyslexic children being 'thickheads'), was about to launch a task and finish assault on her, with an extra large baguette and some over ripe organic tomatoes - but, somehow, the moment passed, and the target escaped back into the tribal foothills of Finchley. Shame.)

Mrs T's latest blog post, however, is a must read for all fans of our Brian.

"Sunday, 1 May 2011 Brian Coleman congratulates Andrew Dismore on his selection as Labour GLA Candidate The friends of Mike Freer caught up with an old friend of ours recently. Brian Coleman is our larger than life GLA representive for Barnet and Camden. Brian is well known as one of the most hard working politicians in London. He is also well known for his other work, recently co-hosting a show on LBC with his old adversary, ex Mayor Ken Livingstone. We asked him what he thought of Labour selecting Andrew Dismore to face him in the GLA elections in 2012. Brian told us he was thrilled. Brian said "The selection of Dismore has conclusively shown everybody that it's the same old Labour party". Brian will be keen to highlight the fact that before Matthew Offord beat him in Hendon, Dismore was the MP with one of the highest expense bills in the country. Despite living in London, Dismore claimed allowances for a second home. Unlike Brian, Dismore doesn't even live in Barnet, his main home being in the champagne socialist belt in Notting Hill. Recently Andrew Dismore has been leading opposition to the Etz Chaim Jewish free school in Mill Hill, despite a desperate need for school places for Jewish children in Mill Hill. It should be an interesting battle and we look forward to Brian being re-elected with a much increased majority. Posted by Mrs T at 08:59"

Er. Um. Is this hard working, larger than life Brian Coleman, who is so shocked by the exploitation of expenses, the same taxi loving Brian Coleman who likes to sleep at his desk at the GLA and attends the odd buffet on our behalf? Can't be. He is getting larger, I'll grant you. Couldn't help but notice he was struggling to get in - and out -of his speedos on our otherwise blissful honeymoon in the Sandbanks Hotel, Poole, last week. But I am sure that Brian would not approve of sly references to a controversial planning proposal being dragged into use against an opponent, aren't you? He would never exploit such a sensitive issue for political purposes, would he?

If you visit this marvellous blog, you will see that Mrs T has helpfully added links to no less than four stories featuring her hero and - guess what - his recent phone counting activities! (see previous post).

I have to warn you, friends, (* updated, sadly, see below ... )however, that you should avoid scrolling down to the bottom of the blog page. Mrs T, for reasons best known to herself, has also linked in a feed from youtube which, she tells us breathlessly, features 'all the latest youtube videos from Finchley and Golders Green'. I am rather appalled to have to tell you that these videos include one of our local gang, so familiar to our local police (eh boys?), the Graveyard Family - perhaps they have been co opted by the council to join their league of hip hop mentors? - and worse, far worse - please look away now if you are, like Mrs Angry, easily shocked: some sort of advert for a gentleman's magazine called, ahem: 'Stylish Masturbator', the front cover of which, I note, portrays an oddly familiar face. I must say that I am very disappointed in you, Mrs T. Such smutty innuendo is not what we Finchley housewives want to see on our local blogs.

*It is with great regret that I must announce the youtube link has now mysteriously disappeared, leaving Mr Roger Tichborne and many other keen readers of that sort of literature with a deep sense of disappointment. I am glad to see that Mrs T has come to her senses and cleaned up her act, anyway. Naughty,naughty Mrs T: who would have thought it?

1 comment:

Mr Mustard said...

I think the words "for nothing" have fallen off the end of the blackboard Mrs A