Monday 18 July 2011

Brian Coleman - more handbagging by Dismore

Not Brian Coleman, AM, FRSA, supporting the Mayor's cycle hire scheme

Oh dear, after a couple of blog posts about showbiz, celebs phonehacking and the media, back to earth with one about Brian Coleman. Sorry. Of course Brian would love to think he is a big shot, and has been trying to muscle in on the story of the day by calling for the resignation of John Yates, the Met police Assistant Commissioner, but back here in Broken Barnet, we citizens are more interested in stories directly relevant to his duties as our elected member on the GLA. And so is Labour GLA candidate Andrew Dismore.

Dismore has issued another press release today complaining about Brian's apparent lack of interest in transport issues: he has written to Transport for London asking for copies of correspondence sent to and from Coleman in regard to the following:

1. facilities for cyclists in Barnet and Camden, including cycle routes

2.the London cycle hire scheme, and its extension to Barnet and Camden

3.the Northern Line

4.bus services in Barnet and Camden

5.public safety on the transport system

The statement continues:

Mr Dismore said:

“It is astounding that since he was last elected, Mr Coleman has had nothing to say about the strategic issues relating to transport in Barnet and Camden. To be fair to him, he has managed to rouse himself to raise an average of one individual casework complaint every 2 months, but the London Assembly is supposed to be a strategic role and his indolence is truly appalling.

He has written nothing to TfL about the delayed modernisation of the Northern Line under Boris Johnson. He moans about Camden Town station to the local press, but has not written to TfL to make any representations about it since the last election. He has not corresponded with them over the contentious issue about splitting the Northern line at Camden Town either. He has made no written representations about the strategic bus network, either in Barnet or Camden. And there is not one item of correspondence concerning cycling either in Barnet or Camden. He has not raised any letters about the growing demand to extend the cycle hire scheme beyond the centre of the capital. And bearing in mind he branded the Safer Transport Teams a “gimmick” when they were first introduced, it is probably not surprising that apart from one individual casework item, he has nothing in writing to show he is concerned about public safety on the network generally.

If he is not going to do the job for which he was elected, then he should not be standing for re-election next time”.

Frankly, Mrs Angry thinks Mr Dismore is being very silly. Why on earth would Brian Coleman, the patron saint of cabbies, be interested in cycling, or public transport? His divine being is usually carried about the streets of Broken Barnet on a litter, gladly borne by grateful citizens, and whenever he is called into town for a luncheon engagement, or to attend a banquet, or to have a tantrum in a GLA meeting, he quite rightly hires a taxi to convey him there, at our expense. He has been rumoured to have travelled on the underground once or twice, but is unsuited to this form of transport, as TFL refuses to allow the reintroduction of first class carriages, and he has to sit next to common people, and socialists.

Of course, as revealed by the Guardian this morning, Mrs Angry is herself a champagne socialist, and as such, might be expected to eschew such vulgar forms of transport, but she feels she must set a good example to others, and gives her patronage to the underground, buses and the overground, and would dearly love to see her GLA representative get off his fat backside, and do something constructive to improve tube services, especially, on this part of the Northern Line, perhaps by giving his support to retaining staff at the stations, in order that ordinary residents might continue to feel safe when travelling late at night - and unable to arrange for a publicly funded taxi to get them safely home.

The idea of Brian Coleman on a bike is something that many residents of Broken Barnet would probably pay an extra few pennies on their council tax to see, but it ain't going to happen, is it? The excercise would do him good, though. Need to be fighting fit for next May, Brian. And when you lose your GLA post, you'll need to get on a bike, Tebbit style, to look for work, won't you?

According to stories on twitter (so it must be true) Boris Johnson reckons Brian Coleman has been hacked: ha - love to see the transcript of that one - and I know that fellow Tory AM, and blushing secret admirer of Mrs Angry, Mr Roger Evans, has also raised the possibility of AMs being targeted, in his City Hall blog. Mrs Angry rather naughtily suggested this was unlikely to be true as they are all so boring, but then she had forgotten about Mr Evans and the shameful incident in the ladies' shoe shop in Romford in 1984, which no one is supposed to talk about. (Don't ask him, whatever you do). Roger must be deeply concerned. Brian, too: we all know how shy he is, how he avoids personal publicity of any kind, and the possibility that he might have ended up in the national press must have been a deeply abhorrant thought.

On the other hand, re Yates: Coleman does seem to have a bit of a thing about uniformed authority, doesn't he? What's the Coleman phrase - a 'robustly' challenging attitude ... Do you remember the good old days, when Conservative politicians loved law and order, and defended the police and police funding to the last breath of their righteous little Tory bodies? All very different now, isn't it? All the old world order has fractured, and we don't know where to place our trust anymore. As for Coleman: there is something more at stake here, but what it is Mrs Angry cannot imagine. Our Brian only has to see a brass button and whoosh, there he is, off on a rant. Policemen. Firefighters. Salvation Army. Some issues there, Brian? Make an appointment at Mrs Angry's counselling clinic and we'll talk it through.

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