Monday 1 April 2013

Broken Barnet: Under New Management ...

That was then: Broken Barnet under the malign influence of Mrs Angry, troublemaker

We at the Barnet Bugle have always been the lone voice of Conservative sanity in the lefty lunatic world of Barnet blogging: the voice of reason raised against the raving, swivel eyed trot utterances of the so-called Famous Five bloggers, whose eccentric socialism has brought our once glorious borough to the brink of anarchy ... and beyond. Or so it seemed.

For the last few years, yours truly has been monitoring the Famous Five, filming them, following them to the Greyhound after council meetings, allowing them to buy us drinks, and the occasional packet of crisps, and cleverly lulling them into a false sense of security whilst reporting back to sources deep within the Tory party leadership the secrets of their spectacular blogging success. The Bugle has even attended the Labour Party Conference and bought the so called Mrs Angry a (small) glass of Merlot, at great personal expense, and escorted her to a Hacked Off event where a speech by Harriet Harman drove us to drink all the available free booze, before staggering around the streets of Manchester  looking for a hen/stag party to join.

Speaking of parties to join: sadly, in the absence of any leadership of the Tory group in Barnet, and the certain knowledge of electoral oblivion in the next exlection - and after so long spent in the company of subversives, we at the Bugle have ceased to find any interest in our covert surveillance of the Barnet blogosphere and our loyalty to Conservative values, and an unhealthy fixation with Eric Pickles, once so solid and unswerving, has begun to waiver. 

We must announce, therefore, that we have submitted our application to Ken Loach, and the new ‘Left Unity’ selection committee, to stand as the candidate for Totteridge in the 2014 elections, fighting the seat once held by former Tory councillor, Cabinet Member, AM and Chair of LEFPA, Brian Coleman. Our application has been endorsed by leading members of the communist and union controlled collective known as the Barnet Alliance, and the man who sits outside North Finchley post office with a can of cider, swearing at the pigeons, most mornings, before opening time.

In the meanwhile, as the Famous Five bloggers have been subject to a root and branch restructuring, and their jobs have been tuped over to Crapita, the Barnet Bugle, who is, clearly, as a male blogger, more suited to the job, has taken over the website formerly known as ‘Broken Barnet’, and sent foolish, empty headed Mrs Angry to blogger’s bootcamp in order to be re-educated in the proper use of hyphens, spreadsheets, minding your own business, and being nice to people, and so as to be in full compliance with Hugh Grant’s Royal Charter for Blogging, which will ensure Mrs Angry will no longer torment the tyrannical Tory councillors and interim consultant senior council officers of Broken Barnet, and takes effect from today, for one day only. 

Make the most of it.


Mr Mustard said...

Don't worry Mrs Angry. What Dan didn't realise was that Frank was a plant by me into his own living room and the stories I can now tell about Dan (I will spare readers the picture of him reading the Telegraph in the bath because Dan was using a batch of Waitrose Essential bubble bath that didn't have any bubbles to speak of, you see Better Bubbles for Less Money just isn't possible) are dynamite and will make Brian Coleman look like a Saint (hard as that is to believe). There will be a new blog starting next week "The Bugle's Last Post" Do be sure to follow it.

Mrs Angry said...

Mrs Angry is no longer able to comment on this website, you will all be relieved to hear, but if she were, she would ask you not to comjure up images of Mr Hope in the bath, with or without the accompaniment of bubbles. Thank you.

Rog T said...

Clearly a spoof. Dan is too lazy to write so many words

Mrs Angry said...

He's gone awfully quiet ... is he being held hostage in a bunker somewhere by Hendon Conservative Association?