Friday 31 August 2012

New boy on the block: 'Brian Coleman' joins the Barnet blogosphere

Brian Coleman takes up blogging

Yep. The Famous Five have expanded. Famous Five plus one. One Brian Coleman. Allegedly.

It was Mrs Angry's birthday on Thursday ( did you forget? Huh.) - there could have been no better present than to find Brian had decided to mark the event in his own way: well, they say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, don't they? Yes: he has become a Barnet blogger - look! ...

In fact, the truth is that, in the interest of political balance, we Barnet bloggers, unhappy people with nothing better to do, spouting endlessly long left wing blathering in our lefty blogrags (see below) have co opted a new member, one whose political allegiance is less radical than previously seen, perhaps, and one that offers a refreshingly robust view of events here in Broken Barnet, and promising to offer an incisive and witty counterbalance to our, what is it ... ah yes, miserable and turgid prose.

Oh, ok: he talks a lot of shite, and He cannot Write a Single Sentence Without Using Inappropriate Capital Letters, or using the word Robust, but he is welcome, all the same.

Is it really Himself? Certainly his chums at Camden Conservatives believe so:

Brian Coleman has started blogging! The King Of Bling Is Back!!

There has been some speculation on twitter, and elsewhere, of course, wondering if it is a spoof. Mrs Angry has some sympathy with this view: with Brian Coleman, frankly, it is sometimes difficult to tell. Mrs A herself has trouble attempting to satirise the old devil as he is in real life so close to parody. This blog does seem to have the horrible ring of truth, however, and at least one local Tory is convinced: look what our local MP Mike Freer's no 1 fan, the marvellous Mrs T, has to say:

Great news, Brian Coleman has started a blog !!!!!!!!

The most controversial man in Barnet politics, Brian Coleman, has started a blog. This is great news. Unlike the lefty blogrags, written by unhappy people with nothing better to do, spouting endlessly long leftwing blathering, Brians blog promises to be witty and incisive.We thoroughly recommend it as an antidote to the miserable and turgid prose of the Barnet busybodies and malcontents.

Hmm. One Barnet busybody and malcontent, not to mention unhappy person with nothing better to do, ie Mrs Angry, was thrilled to hear the news, and commented:

Mrs Angry said...

fantastic news: please tell me when Brian starts being witty and incisive ... Mrs A xxx

because, oh dear, readers ... stand by. This is 'Brian''s latest post: stand by for a bit of a fisking, 'Brian'.

You only have yourself to blame.

Death of a Great Man

"The death at the age of 87 of Sir Rhodes Boyson reminds us that in the world of Politics today’s household name become tomorrows vaguely remembered Political eccentric.

If you are going to write about a right wing educationalist, Brian, maybe try a bit harder with your punctuation ... tomorrow's ... and please, oh please stop sticking capital letters in all the wrong fucking places ...

Who now remembers Sir Gerald Nabarro, Sir Hugh Monro Lucas Tooth or Dame Irene Ward?
No one, except you, because you live entirely in the past that never was: move on.

Instead comma sadly the House of Commons has too many Louise Menschs (women?) and the media treat those who do show robust yes: robust, thank God Brian's favourite word: robust ... spirit such as Nadine Dorries,

robustly spirited Nadine Dorries, exciting members: good, says Brian (nice shoes, Nadine)

Mrs Angry, also robustly spirited, in same position: bad, says Brian. Should have stood on the table, but was on best behaviour.

as some sort of freak. I saw a headline on an article in the “Daily Telegraph “the other day written by Damien Green the Immigration Minister arguing that the Conservative needed to adopt the “values of Boyle”, he was referring to the Olympic Opening Ceremony Director Danny rather than the Tory Academic and Minister Edward, Lord Boyle of Handsworth. Only you, Brian, still living in the flickering black and white world of the Tory party as it was between the wars would think Boyle/ some obscure, dead, and long forgotten Tory minister before Boyle/Danny ...

In his time Sir Rhodes, who never achieved Cabinet rank, was one of the Nation’s best known Politicians with his distinctive “mutton chop” whiskers and solid, firm and usually sensible right wing views. The fact that these days in the modern Tory party he would probably fail to get on the Parliamentary candidates list does not diminish the fact that his views on Education and his robust (hooray: two robusts in one post ...) defence of Grammar Schools were right then and indeed and are right now. PUNCTUATION, Brian. If Rhodes had been your headmaster, you would have got six of the best on grammatical grounds alone ... and this is not the best advert for a grammar school education, like what you and Mrs Angry had, is it? (No, he wasn't educated by nuns, like Mrs A, which is a shame, as the good sisters would have sorted him out good and proper ...)

However , I suspect Rhodes would be a strong supporter of the current Secretary of State for Education ,the inspired Michael Gove as he brings the most radical improvements to our schools in 30 years . Mrs Angry suspects you are right: Boyson & Gove, a dream team, dragging education back to where it belongs, in Tom Brown's Schooldays. Or maybe Dotheboys Hall.

The career of Sir Rhodes Boyson going from Mill Town Northern Grammar School boy to Secondary Modern Headmaster, Labour Councillor and finally Thatcherite Minister and darling of the Conservative right demonstrated the radical change that Margaret Thatcher brought to the Conservative Party and the Nation. PUNCTUATION, Brian ...It was no surprise that Boyson,, whilst his deputy, did not get on with the Shadow Secretary of State for Education in the 1970s the Old Catholic Queen Norman St John Stevas ...

whoah, hold on ... 'Old Catholic Queen' ... that's ok, is it, to refer to a recently deceased former Tory minister in such terms? And why, by the way, is his being Catholic deemed worthy of such opprobrium?
an Old Catholic Queen

and it is a crying shame that Mrs T COMMA usually a defender of Grammar Schools COMMA did not appoint Rhodes to the Cabinet where he might have been able to reverse the disastrous Comprehensive schools programme. He did however serve as a Junior Minister at Education, Social Services and Northern Ireland and endured the perils of that latter department. Lady Boyson could be seen in Sainsbury’s doing the grocery shopping escorted by Scotland Yard’s finest. From SO15, Brian?

A diligent constituency MP for Brent North he built strong links with the Asian Community and enjoyed attacking the antics of the loony left on Brent Council (rather than the loony right in Barnet). And then lost his seat thanks to the closure of Edgware Hospital, which is of course a place of huge significance, Brian, being the birthplace of your fellow blogger, Mrs Angry ...

Most Sundays on top of his political duties he could be heard preaching the Gospel from a North London Methodist pulpit , much to the embarrassment of many in the “Guardian “ reading Methodist Leader ship at the time who tried to portray Mrs Thatcher and her Government as the spawn of the devil . Whilst Mrs Thatcher (who is herself the daughter of a Methodist Local Preacher) and the Conservative Party prospered the Methodist Church became a sad irrelevance to the life of the Nation.

Hold on: is this the same Brian Coleman who is a practising Methodist, and lives in a rent fixed flat owned by a local Methodist charity?

Shame that Brian knows so little about the history of his own church, and its links with the formation of the first trade unions, and has thought so little about why that might be, but then intellectual analysis is not really his thing, is it?

Should the Methodist Church be the Tory party at prayer? Would Jesus have read the Daily Mail, or the Guardian? Mrs Angry suspects, in fact, Brian, and please note the use of commas here, that our Lord would have read the Morning Star. And Private Eye. Possibly the JC.

In constant demand as a Speaker COMMA he would often appear at Conservative fundraisers even after he lost his seat in the Labour Landslide of 1997. At one Finchley Conservative Dinner at the Hendon Hall Hotel he stepped in at short notice to replace an indisposed Sebastian Coe and regaled the assembled activists with a well argued denunciation of the European Union and an endorsement of the United States “even with that dreadful man Clinton as President”.

His death after a long illness and several years in a care home allow us to reflect on the contribution to our National Life of those who whilst never achieving the top rank of Political Office will probably be remembered for far longer than many who did."

Meh. Don't think so, Brian. Oh hang : subtext - are you referring to yourself?

But really, it is quite surprising, in many ways, that you are so nostalgic about Rhodes Boyson. Some of his views are more memorable than others, of course - he was awfully keen on corporal punishment, for example, a taste which earned himself the honorary title of 'Minister for Flogging', but more importantly, he had distinctly hardline views on what he saw as sexual 'deviancy', which you, as a gay man, ought to be robustly condemning, rather than ignoring:

"It is wrong biblically, is homosexuality. It is unnatural. AIDS is part of the fruits of the permissive society. The regular one-man, one-woman marriage would not put us at risk in this way. If we could wipe out homosexual practices, then Aids would die out."

Oh dear. Funny that you airbrushed that out of your tribute.

Still: early days: your first blog. Well done for trying 'Brian': see - you are slowly moving into the twenty first century. Twitter next?

Oh: and remember: do keep both hands on the keyboard.

Mrs Angry x


Mr Mustard said...

I am lost for words Mrs A and not in admiration of Brian's first effort. To be fair, one's first blog is not usually a masterpiece (except yours of course which I will now go and read again to help me with me efforts) and so we really will have to wait until his second.

In the meantime though he thinks I am an idiot I am going to send Brian an email to check if he is the author of the new blog. What an idiot I must be.

baarnett said...

ociallyt Boyson also said:

"My own move to Conservative party membership arose from the effect of my research into the cotton industry and the Manchester school of liberal economic philosophy. Here was a body of men who believed that a free enterprise economy was not only efficient but brought moral growth to all men. The employer risked his capital on his judgement and must care for his workers as part of his stock in trade, and the workers would be enabled to become prosperous and through their own industry, thrift and moral courage could establish their own business enterprises and their personal independence to the advantage of themselves, their families and society. Cobden had a moral view of society and believed that free enterprise would not only bring prosperity but social harmony at home and peace abroad within a system of universal free trade."

Don't Call Me Dave said...

DCMD has been biting his lip for some time, but will not countenance any criticism of Rhodes Boyson who was a very fine man and politician. The Conservative Party needs more MPs like him, and fewer of the wishy-washy vacuous twerps like Cameron and Osborne, if it is to ever get this country out of the hole your socialist chums got us into.

As for Brian Coleman’s blog - if it is genuinely him - well bloody good job too. You swivel-eyed trots have had it all your own way in the blogosphere for far too long.

Mrs Angry said...

DCMD: and here was me, thinking you might be behind a spoof blog ... but how funny it is that we should all be arguing about whether or not it is genuinely by the old fool and the fact that it is so hard to tell where Brian Coleman crosses the line into parody ... I think it is him because I recognise certain traits of his idiosyncratic punctuation, and I doubt that anyone could be bothered to fake those!

Baarnett, yes: it's a bloody long way from Victorian liberal economics and moral growth for all men to One Barnet and a parasitic culture of private sector exploitation of public services,isn't it? Not sure either Cobden or Boyson would approve of the self serving Tories in Barnet, and even Brian is said to be less than enthusiastic about the One Barnet free for all.

Hmm. Doesn't liek One Barnet, or the Olympics: likes blogging.

Brian: see, we are made for each other ...

Who needs

baarnett said...

Whatever the virtues of his political philosophy in general, Boyson neglected a little history, and also was favoured by fortunate timing in his analysis.

First of all, Britian had needed to systematically destroy India's indigenous cotton industry, causing great poverty, in order to start and expand its own.

And when post-war increased wages for British workers, and the inability or unwillingness to invest, threatened our cotton industry with collapse on world markets, the companies brought in lower-cost Indian subcontinent labour in the 1950s.

The industry still collapsed, but only after Boyson had drawn his conclusions.

Mrs Angry said...

hmm, Baarnett: Cottonopolis & all that.Interesting subject, especially if you have been to Manchester & read about the nineteenth century history of the place, or studied the history of the mills in Lancashire ... and of course Gandhi visited the area in the thirties ... the truth is that the industrial prosperity that we now look back on with such nostalgia is rooted in the Empire, and its aftermath, and what a shame that we have, thanks to M.Thatcher & her chums, thrown away our industrial strength, built on such foundations, on what? An ideological fantasy that never drew breath.

baarnett said...

I'm told Britain essentially still has (perhaps ignoring recession) roughly the same industrial output in real money terms that it had in the 1980s. But it employs vastly fewer people in industry, because productivity, and capital employed per worker, has gone up so much.

(Any experts?)

There is nothing wrong with being a service economy in principle. London is one of the creative capitals of the world, and we are now possibly the world's best sporting venue, as another strand to our economy.

We have contributed to world comedy as well, with Boris.

The trouble with being a financial services capital, though, is that not only is much of the activity of no social value whatsoever (not my quote, of course) but it destroys the lives of millions of other people when it goes wrong.

Mrs Angry said...

I see. So perhaps the key to solving unemployment is less productivity: workers encouraged to put their feet up every ten minutes. Yes: that makes sense.

Think I may drop the old audit thing & go into economics.