Friday, 2 November 2012
Friday joke - Brian: Barnet's parking policy was also a socialist conspiracy
Yes: Barnet is under siege from Dangerous Left Wing Ideology, in the shape of Tory MP Mike Freer's socialist inspired Easycouncil/ Futureshape/One Barnet privatisation conspiracy.
Following my Shocking exposure yesterday in the Barnet Press, a disgraceful local rag that I have nothing whatsoever to do with except when I am Desperate for Attention, that the totally discredited One Barnet programme which I and all Conservative members have always Rightly and Staunchly opposed except when we continually supported it and approved its progress at every possible opportunity, was all the fault of New Labour, I can now exclusively reveal that the much hated Parking Policy for which I have so Unfairly been given the Blame was in fact a Labour led conspiracy by Barnet Socialists driven Mad with Envy over my Free Parking Permit, which I require in order to attend Very Important Luncheon engagements with Famous People, and the Great and the Good, and meetings of the Worshipful Company of Horse Thieves, Whoremongers and Pick Pockets.
It is A Little Known Fact that this Appalling Parking Policy which Conservative Members have always Rightly and Staunchly Opposed except when we continually, in the face of all criticism, approved and supported it, came about after the Militant Trotskyite Labour Leader Alison Moore and her Cohort of Old Hags and Sad, Mad and Bad Left Wing councillors Kidnapped me and the soon to be Former Conservative Leader Councillor Richard Cornelius, tied us up, locked us in a Broom Cupboard in the Town Hall and Mercilessly beat our Bare Bottoms with Old copies of Barnet First magazine until we agreed to Ruin all the High Streets of Broken Barnet in a shameless Left Wing plot to Undermine the local economy and Bring down the Council and establish A Socialist Administration.
It must now Also be revealed that the infamous Councillors Allowance rise which Conservative Members were Falsely accused of Trousering when we came to Power is a Compulsory Requirement by Eric Pickles as Part of his Localism policy in Order to greater iMPOWER the Elected Members of this Borough And set an Example to Aspire to in this Age of Austerity for those feckless people - These People - who do not live in the Real World like me and prefer to scrounge off the State Rather than become Councillors and scrounge Off everyone Else.
Pro One Barnet Propaganda meetings openly sponsored by Marxist-Leninist private sector consultants and their communist led multinational company masters
Furthermore it must be Apparent to all Right Thinking people Everywhere that everything that is Wrong in Broken Barnet is the Fault of The Unions and the So Called Famous Five Bloggers who Make it all Up especially the So Called Mrs Angry who is actually Not Angry at All but really just Slightly Irritated.
There are Rumours being Put about by Left Wing Agitators that I have been Suspended by the Conservative Party.
I have in fact Suspended the Conservative Party from My Membership until such a time as they are Able to purge the party of all Socialist Thinking and in the Meanwhile I have been asked to stand as a Candidate for Another Party which has Robust Conservative values and will Return me to my rightful place in Politics.