Friday, 6 July 2012

Friday joke: Broken Barnet - the no thinking zone

Not allowed in Broken Barnet: thinking in public: parks, open spaces, enclosed spaces, council meetings, residents forums, libraries, in full daylight, or in the middle of the night

Barnet Council has launched a consultation with residents on proposals for the creation of a borough-wide Designated Public Place Order (DPPO) to control crime, disorder and nuisance associated with thinking in public places.

If implemented, the DPPO will give police the powers to tackle anti-social behaviour and crime associated with the disaffected thought processes and the freedom of expression across the whole borough.

The order would expand on the four DPPOs which are already in place in North Finchley, Finchley, Hendon and Cricklewood town centres.

There has been a strict ban on thinking at council meetings for some time now: councillors have had no problems in complying with this requirement, of course.

Residents Forums have also been subject to no thinking orders since the council's constitution was amended last year, to prevent the risk of any challenge to Tory policy, and the correct thought processes of One Barnet.

Libraries are being closed by Councillor Robert Rams, who has never had an interesting thought in his life, in order to discourage thinking in public, except in Hampstead Garden Suburb, where you may be allowed to think if you are wealthy and likely to vote Tory at the next election.

The new powers would mean if a person continues to think in the area when asked not to do so by a police officer, they could be arrested or fined up to £500 if convicted by a court.

Police officers would also be able to arrest anyone failing to surrender their free will and democratic principles when asked to do so. Public expression of deviant thought, for example posters in shop windows by local cafe owners demonstrating opinions contrary to the principles of One Barnet, and/or its elected members, will be investigated by the thought police from a Specialist Investigations Unit at Scotland Yard.

Another woman thinking: not allowed

The new powers, in addition to promoting responsible thinking, will be complemented with access to support services for people unable to cope without intellectual stimulation.

The powers are not intended to disrupt peaceful activities such as a philospher enjoying a picnic in a park with a glass of wine and a copy of 'Less than nothing: Hegel & the shadow of dialectical materialism' by Slavoj Zizek. Yes, that Slavoj Zizek.

The proposals for a borough-wide order have been formulated because of the extent of existing DPPOs and suggestions for additional orders in four other town centres.

It would also help to tackle any displacement of activism, protests and any related anti-social behaviour from town centres already covered by orders.

Councillor David Longstaff, Cabinet Member for Safety and Resident Engagement, said:

“Thinking and the associated anti-social behaviour it inevitably causes, can be a real blight on our residents’ lives and the lives of Tory councillors.

“These orders are not intended to disrupt peaceful activities, but they can, combined with the right support, be a useful tool in tackling crime and disorder associated with thinking in public places.

“That’s why we would like to hear residents’ views on proposals for borough-wide measures.”

Blogger ' Barnet Bugle' is outraged by these proposals. He stated: 'This anti libertarian town hall diktat will not stop residents thinking, and is completely unenforceable. If I want to sit outside the Town Hall and think, I will, and I am sure that Eric Pickles will back me up.'

Mr Mustard, who thinks rather too much for his own good said: 'This is political correctness gone mad. I intend to email Councillor Coleman about it, later on this evening, when I have returned from thinking with fellow bloggers in the Greyhound.'

Mrs Angry has given up thinking, of course, because it gives her migraine.

Oh, alright: Friday joke & all that, yes, drinking, drinking, not thinking. Almost as bad, according to all the boy Barnet bloggers.

It's true though: our Bog Brother masters on Barnet Council are cracking down and spoiling everyone's fun, because this is Broken Barnet, and we must all behave ourselves.

Oh: unless we are Tory candidates, say, or Tory councillors, who are not subject to any form of scrutiny or any required standard of behaviour.

Ah: except ... naughty Tory councillors of Broken Barnet, you are subject to one new standard of behaviour.

The failure properly to declare any pecuniary interest, in the register of interests, for example, will become a criminal offence.

Don't say you weren't warned.

And now Mrs Angry is off to Barnet's offices at NLBP with her fellow bloggers to help Mr Andrew 'Blackhole' Travers with his adding up, and - well, who knows what else?

Do say hello, if you see us. Actually, no: probably keep your head down and look in the other direction ...

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