Friday, 7 October 2011

Friday Joke No 2: except it's not a joke: Brian's GLA fundraiser

Mrs Angry and Mr Dismore have a luncheon engagement

I really wish I was making this up, but I promise you I am not: sent just now by my mole in the Chipping Barnet Conservative Association: the invitation we have all been waiting for ...

Barnet and Camden Conservatives

Get Boris & Brian Re-elected Gala Lunch


Widely considered a "larger-than-life" figure with a reputation for being immaculately dressed
at any public function, Countess Spencer is the widow of the late Earl Spencer and daughter of
novelist late Dame Barbara Cartland and is a local government figure in her own right.

On Wednesday 26th October 2011
At 12.30 for 1pm
At South Herts Golf Club, Links Drive, Totteridge, N20 8QU (Map Overleaf)

Parking available

Tickets for this lunch are £50 inc. Wine

All monies raised will go to the re-election fund for 2012
To book, please complete this form and return it with payment to: FGGCA, 212 Ballard's Lane, Finchley, London, N3 2LX

Name(s): Mrs Angry and Andrew Dismore
Address: Broken Barnet
Email: see blog ________________________________________________________________________________________
Tel: please don't, Brian, too scary
* Please send me ____2_ ticket(s) for this special event at a cost of £50 each
* I will need a Vegetarian option [ ]
* I am unable to attend and would like to make a donation of £ __not a fucking penny________ to get Boris and Brian re-elected
* I enclose payment of £ _0.00____ (please make cheques payable to Barnet & Camden GLA Fund).
EXPIRY DATE ** / ** Security No.***

Promoted & printed R. Shawcross on behalf of Cllr Brian Coleman, all at 212 Ballards Lane, Finchley, N3 2LX

Raine, Countess Spencer


Rog T said...

Stroll on ! Sounds like a good place for a protest tho

Mrs Angry said...

Mrs Angry thinks Brian and Raine make the perfect couple, and wishes them every happiness. She would also the like the number of her hairdresser.

baarnett said...

Remember Mrs A: You use the cutlery from the outside inwards, and don't blow your nose on the table-cloth.

MickeyN said...

Video of the last fundraising dinner, whom does this remind you of?

Mrs Angry said...

Thank you,baarnett, Mrs Angry has exemplary table manners, although she cannot speak for Mr Dismore, who is a Labour politician, and not used to mixing with his betters, or Brian Coleman.

MickeyN: I believe the video of Mr Creosote was filmed at Les Deux Salons ...

MickeyN said...

Interesting, Mrs A. We could remake the video here in Barnet; do you know any bloated plutocrats who could play Mr C?

baarnett said...

"Young Mrs Angry is an innocent lady, and a great cook; to help her family in a wager, she cooks undercover for the 'Get Boris & Brian Re-elected' Gala Lunch.

After Brian met her, he kissed her masterfully and passionately, (if a little uncharacteristically, but it is necessary for the plot).

"Tomorrow," he said, "I will take you to a house I have in the country. You will be safe there, and no one will insult you or assault you, or your blog, ever again!"

Mrs Angry felt as though an icy hand was squeezing the warmth of new love from her heart. Though young and innocent, she understood the cold meaning of his words.

"Are you... asking me..." she began.

"I am offering you my protection, Mrs A. You will be mine, and we will be blissfully happy together."

Trapped in painful awareness, Mrs A fled from the garden in shame."

Paperback, Dec. 1976, Bantam
ISBN: 0553103377

baarnett said...

What is the hour?" Countess Spencer asked, not taking her eyes from the road ahead of them. Andrew Dismore pulled his gold watch from his waistcoat pocket, but it was difficult for him to see the hands.

They were moving fast and, although the moon was rising, trees cast dark shadows over narrow Totteridge Lane, so that it was a few seconds before he was able to reply: 'It wants but three minutes to nine-thirty - We have done well!'

'I hope you are not over-optimistic, sir,' Raine answered, 'for methinks this by-lane of yours, although un-frequented, has taken us longer than if we had kept to the Northern Line.'

'I swear it is shorter,' Andrew replied. 'I have travelled it often enough, and I suspect the others will be bemused at having the train to themselves.' Raine laughed. 'If we do reach your former constituency office before they arrive, I shall ache to see their faces, when they perceive us awaiting them. Do you really think, Andrew, they are watching the platform, and wondering why we are not in sight?

'I imagine that is precisely what they are doing,' Andrew smiled, 'unless they think we are ahead of them.' 'Which — pray Heaven — we are!' Raine cried fervently. 'How much further have we to go?'

She whipped up the horses as she spoke, and the light phaeton sprang forward at an even greater speed. 'Not more than four miles, I should think,' Andrew replied. 'We join the main highway about a mile from here, and then you can join the Labour Party.' '...What a splendid luncheon that was!' Raine added, her voice gay and excited.

Mrs Angry said...

baarnett: I am worried about you - how do you manage to channel the spirit of Barbara Cartland so easily? Sigh ... if only my life was as exciting ... I must confess to reading my way through the Cartland oeuvre aged about 12. This was a mistake, as everything since has been a great disappointment. Same applies to Lady Chatterley.
Oh well.

baarnett said...

Even now the many Baarnett satirical assistants are researching parodies of D H Lawrence, ready to be offered as a 'Broken Barnet web site' comment.

Subject, of course, to necessary standards of decency.

Perhaps it is time for the more junior members of Barnet's Cabinet to be cast into these literary roles. Those who get the filthy lucre paid them by Barnet residents, and then act as ornamental pot plants in Barnet Cabinet meetings, deserve everything they get.

Mrs Angry said...

btw: Brian- don't get any funny ideas & MickeyN - let me try and draw up a short list ...

Mrs Angry said...

no parody could really better 'Cold Comfort Farm', baarnett, one of Mrs Angry's all time favourite reads ...

baarnett said...

You mean:

Orphaned, destitute, and unwilling to get a job, 20-year-old Mrs Angry looks to her relatives for a place to live. She settles upon the Starkravings, relatives on her mother's side, who live on the isolated Cold Comfort Farm, in the fictional London borough of Barnet. Greeting her as "One of the Famous Five" they take her in, to repay an unexplained wrong done to one of the other bloggers.

Each member of the extended family has some long-standing emotional problem, caused by ignorance, hatred, or the new cost of street parking. The council is badly run - supposedly cursed - and presided over by the unseen and ominous presence of Uncle Metpro Cornelius, who is said to have been driven mad by seeing "something nasty in the council chamber" as a child.

Mrs Angry, a level-headed urban woman, applies modern common sense to all their problems, and intends for the whole cabinet to be dragged forward eighty years, and adapt to the early twentieth-first century.

Mrs Angry said...

hmm ... sadly, baarnett, I think I have little in common with the admirable Flora Poste. Like Aunt Ada Doom, I have taken to my bed and will remain there until further notice, trying not to think about the woodshed.